My ex husband was drifting further away and the doctor bills from visits all over the city were piling up. He was never home and when he was, he lied about where he had been. He stopped working all together. Money was disappearing and I had to hide credit cards in a secret lock box for emergencies. The only person I could trust with the passcode was my 8 year old son. I worked really long hours and become isolated from my friends and family. All I had was Deklan.
I was embarassed and ashamed by Sean’s behavior. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it was at home and Sean made it clear that he didn’t want us talking to other people. I started getting phone calls from random friends and parents from Deklan’s school asking to be repaid for money that Sean borrowed, When I confronted him he said nothing. There was one week alone that I wrote checks to 5 people along with apology notes for something I didn’t even do.
My goal during this time was to survive for my son. Deklan started to withdraw. Friends wouldn’t have play dates with him. Sean blamed me for that and everything else. He was arrested for the first time in November. I had to pick up his car but had no one to call for help. Deklan was too young to be left alone so I had to take him with me. I wish he never saw that. I wish I knew sooner that his dad was taking him on drug runs. I wish I was there to protect him from everything. There isn’t a day that goes by that I dont think about how I should’ve been there for him.
Deklan never said a word. He thought he was protecting his dad. The following July, I walked in on Sean snorting heroin. I told him he had to be out of the house in 2 days and never come back. I was filing for divorce. He wouldn’t leave. I prayed to God for help, I couldn’t live like this anymore. Two days after I asked him to leave, he was arrested and I filed for divorce. Telling Deklan his dad was never coming home was the hardest thing I have ever done. I promised him I would try and help his dad if I could and I was able to get him directly into treatment instead of jail but he refused. The next 4 years were filled with fear of when would he show up or would he try to take Deklan from me or break into the house.
At one point he was all over the local news for stealing from the local target stores. That set Deklan and I into a tail spin. Now everyone knew of our “secret”. He received more jail time but that didn’t help his addiction. In April I received a call that he had overdosed. Once again I had to break my son’s heart. I am angry at Sean for all the pain he caused us. He won’t get to see how awesome his son is.
I am relieved that we are finally free.
-Jennifer, Solutions Manager and Deklan’s Mom